The Waiting Game: I’m bad at it.

The last few weeks have really just been a series of distractions. I went and saw “The Hunger Games”, which wasn’t a *great* movie (shaky handy-cam crap, anyone?), but was a fairly decent representation of the book, so I enjoyed it.

I also shot a gun for the first time in my life. It was a really interesting experience, as I’d always just seen them as scary and unpredictable. You see people dying of accidental gun shot wounds all the time on tv and in the newspaper, but living in the south, it seems like everyone has a gun, including a lot of my D&D playin’, math rock lovin’, goofy-ass friends at work. They offered to take my husband and me out shooting, so even if a bit trepidatious at the suggestion, I went along.

And it was FUN.

"Hey there, Mr. Target. I've got a baby rifle, and I don't know how to use it. Be warned!"

I also discovered how breathtaking Kentucky can be. The beautiful open space is something I never really experienced growing up, and driving out to our friend’s 36+ acre family property was enough to make the nature nut in me well up with warm fuzzies and sighs, and made me realize that I would love to raise a family on a good amount of open, beautiful land.

We actually got to Huck Finn-in’ while there, and walked through the woods in their dried up creek bed, where they’d found a bunch of arrowheads and awesome fossilized coral. They also had this small rock quarry, and my friend, whose parents owned the place, said he’d actually hid his life savings as a kid out there (a mere $180 at the time, but a *treasure* to him!). How amazing would it be to have 36 acres to play on as a kid, complete with a creek, a rock quarry, and plenty of new trees/plants/animals to discover and explore?

I was very grateful for these distractions.

——————————————————————————————————

I’m horrible at waiting. Waiting until we can afford to buy a house, or waiting to see large numbers come off the scale when trying a new diet/exercise plan. Waiting for the cookies to come out of the oven, or, more to the point, waiting between the time where I’m supposed to have ovulated to the time when I can check to see if I’m preggo.

I want it NOW.

I found out a few weeks ago that my current MD didn’t think they could treat me anymore, which was both good and bad, in my estimation. But after I heard that, and got the date of my referral, my brain has been working on overdrive, trying to find things to keep myself distracted from the WAITING.

I’ve cooked a LOT. I’ve baked even more. I created my own brownie recipe from scratch (which, thank heavens, were delivered to the boys for taking us shooting … They were GOOD), as well as my own buttermilk biscuit recipe. I’ve cleaned my house, top to bottom, and taken the dogs out to the several acres of open field across from our apartment to play with the frisbee more times than I can count. I even picked up an additional shift at work to keep myself busy!

It’s still not enough.

My brain keeps pondering. Keeps wondering, “What are they going to say? Will they say you’re too fat to treat? Will they want to start some more crazy fertility drugs?! Will they want to immediately start trying something a bit more invasive, like in-vitro?”

Luckily, my new MD is both an OB/GYN, and a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I think I really should’ve been seeing an RE from the start, since that’s where the majority of my issues stem from. (Whacky progesterone, why you be so crazy?!)

I know that there are some questions I should definitely be asking such as, “Do you think a Paleo/Primal lifestyle would aid in regaining my fertility?”, or “Is there a magic weight loss solution for women with PCOS that *actually* works?”

I’m hoping he takes my blood, analyses it, isolates the issue, and helps me to fix it.

I hope I’m not irreparably broken.

And I’m just hopeful, in general, that during these times, I develop the patience of a saint, and learn to wait in peace.

 

What do you use as a distraction while you’re waiting?

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6 thoughts on “The Waiting Game: I’m bad at it.

  1. chrissymm says:

    Oh Aubrey. I can’t even imagine how hard all of this must be for you! Keep trucking along and stay positive! I was told by my doctor (for what it’s worth) that the best way for women to lose weight with PCOS is to really limit the amount carb intake. I had struggles with weight as well. I was having to stay under 1200 calories and workout everyday to see results. It was tough. I have recently cut WAY back on carbs and have seen results. I feel better most days…running is even easier. Which I never would have expected. There are so many different theories on diets nowadays that I say try different things and find what works for you. It’s challenging, frustrating and time consuming, but that is what has helped me see results as far as weight,

    As far as what I use as distractions…I watch tons of nonsense tv shows and listen to a LOT of music. Music sometimes makes me think about the very thing I am trying to avoid, but it gives me a different perspective. Music heals the soul. 🙂

    Bug hugs!

    • Thanks, Chrissy!

      Music has been a haven for me as well. I also need to remember that even when I don’t see results on the scale, exercise just makes me FEEL so much better!

      Nutrition has been one of the most frustrating parts of this whole battle. I feel like I’m never doing anything right, because I never see results. But yeah, I’m thinking a low carb/Paleo-ish diet really could help. I just need to buckle down and do it.

      Thanks again for the support, woman! 🙂

  2. Popped over because Michelle mentioned you’re going through this and need some Internet hugs. Hugs, I know, don’t make the waiting easier. Or the questions easier to answer. Or the difficulty lessen. However, you’re in my thoughts.

    To answer your question… while I’m waiting (or sitting with something difficult), I tend to workout, cook, and spend time with people who lift me up. My mom does a lot of gardening when she’s waiting.

    • Gardening sounds phenomenal. I’ve been wanting to plant an herb garden just outside our apartment to make for more fresh ingredients in my cooking, but I haven’t gotten around to it.

      Thanks for the suggestions, and the support!

  3. Came for the same reason as pixie658 — sorry to hear you’re going through a difficult time.

    When I was waiting for several weeks for test results to come back about whether or not I had cancer, I tried to stay busy — dates with friends, a weekend away with my then-boyfriend-now-husband, working out, burying myself in hobbies and other activities. In less dire situations, like when I’m waiting at the grocery store behind a line of senior citizens and the slowest checker ever, I try to quiet my mind, see it as a little gift of time when I can’t get anything else done so I might as well enjoy myself, and breathe to avoid swearing.

    Good luck, and here’s hoping.

    • Thanks, Courtney.

      I tend to have less issues being patient with people around me, and more with things in which I have no control that are finite. As the oldest sibling of four, I’ve had to learn to be *very* patient with people…. but no matter what, the bake time on those cookies is 10 minutes, and my appointment was very definitively two weeks away from the day they gave me the news. Those things are harder for me to deal with.

      But I guess it’s comforting to see other people burying themselves in positive activities and purposefully diverting their minds into something better suited to peaceful living…. AKA, anything but worrying!

      Thanks for the support, ladies!

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