Battle Scars and Old Wounds: My soul’s tattoo.

When I meet new people, they usually appear one of two ways to me.

The first is the green, wide-eyed, and optimistic type. They have all of the warmth and energy of one who has never felt a soul-crushing pain before, and the world is their oyster. I absolutely love these people, because they show me things that I normally would overlook, whether that’s the simple funny shaped cloud in the sky, or it’s how to laugh when the rain starts pouring right after you took an hour and a half to style your hair. (I still cannot laugh when this happens. My hair is a constant source of frustration.)

Then, there’s the ones that I gravitate towards. The broken ones. The ones who, when you talk to them for the first time, really listen to your words, but might take awhile to crack themselves. They look for more than what you’re saying, because they know what it feels like to hurt and not be able to talk about it. Their hurt might as well be tattooed on their soul, because even if it’s not affecting them at that moment, you just *know* that their burden was heavy at one time, and that they’d understand your burden if you ever needed  someone to talk to about it.

These two types of souls are both so beautiful in their own way.

I’ve been reading “Eat Pray Love” over the last few months, just as the literary equivalent of “Easy Listening” as I go to bed. Last night, I came across a phrase in Italian that was so beautiful, I couldn’t help but stop and reread the whole passage it was in.

The phrase is “L’ho provato sulla mia pelle“, which is sort of like the American “I’ve been there”. A direct translation is “I have experienced this on my own skin”, referencing the battle wounds and scars we have from past experiences.

I wish that, in a way, we could all have visible battle scars. I wish that I could see the women who are struggling with PCOS, so that we could nod to each other in support. I wish that I could see people with a tattoo of a broken heart, and know that they’ve experienced loss, and that I could touch their hand, and let them know that they’re not alone. I wish I could reach out to hurting people, and give them a hug, a kind word, or whatever they need in their stage of healing.

In a nutshell: I wish I could bake cupcakes for the world.

I am scarred and wounded, but that’s what makes me who I am. My soul grows more warm, empathetic, and understanding with each trial, and if I can give comfort to someone else while they have open wounds, maybe their wounds will heal more cleanly. More than that, I have a beautiful group of friends and family who are one, both, or a mixture of the two types of people I described above that awaken my soul and rescue me when I feel like I’m treading water.

Oh, and even though I can’t feasibly make cupcakes for the ENTIRE world, I can make them for the people who are very dear to me when they’re hurting or to show them I love them. The people I love the most are, in no particular order:

Sweet Tea
Spaghetti and Meatballs
Crock Pot Enchiladas
Cheesecake
M&M Cookies
Chocolate Pie

—————–

As an awesome follow-up to my last post, I got a call from my MD’s office with my referral. This guy is a teacher at Vanderbilt Medical School, and a dual-certified Reproductive Endocrinologist and OB/GYN. I have an appointment next month…. And I’m hoping for the best.

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Battle Scars and Old Wounds: My soul’s tattoo.

  1. dreamstela says:

    Ok, let’s try this again.

    I think a specialist will be great. Really. It’s like, an MD can prescribe you an antidepressant, with great knowledge and intent, but a psychologist is trained specifically to know exactly what it is you need, and how you should be responding, and feeling. An RE will be able to better treat you and get your body back in balance.

    You’ve got my love, lady.

    • Thank you so much for the support, lady. I’m really hoping that this new MD can help, even though it might be a bit of a strain on our financial resources and our time, but…. ultimately, the end result will be well worth the effort.

  2. We’ve been thinking about you guys a lot lately. We love you both and hope that you can find a way through this tremendously difficult time together.

    Also, come see us. We can pay you in toddler giggles.

    • We’re so very lucky to have such a kick-ass bond…. This has only made us closer, and no matter what happens, we know that life together will be amazing… Kids or no kids.

      Oh, and we need to come down there and hang with you two and the kid…. He gets more awesome everyday!

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